On Parenthood and Black Girlhood...

So I was just reading Rebecca Walker's blog on Theroot.com and something she said struck me.

"...My son watches way more TV than I thought he would, back before I had a child and thought I'd be spending my every waking moment engaging mine with all natural, not-made-or-painted-in China, educational toys..."

I too, thought my parenting and my kid would be different before becoming a parent. Albeit, I didn't have too much time to make parenting plans before becoming a mother, I still had my ideas. I just knew my daughter was going to be this little Pro-Black, feminist, intelligent little prodigy who would disect the racism and sexism and all the other fucked up shit seen on TV, just like I do. She would reject the idea of Disney princesses and be angry at singing, dancing white girls who steal the spotlight from singing, dancing Black girls. She would play with gender neutral toys or a good variety of both toys marketed to girls and those marketed to boys. She would look at something like, oh I don't know, The Bee Movie and see what I see, a mockery of slavery and resistance struggles in the US.

Alas, my daughter aspires to be Cinderella. Sigh.

At least now she recognizes that she can be "Brown Cinderella" that's a start, right? Or maybe she's just starting to see herself as other.

Honestly, it's all quite disappointing. When I'm not frustrated by her predilection for white and light skinned folks and all things "girly" and pink, I'm feeling like a failure as a parent. I mean, I know that I'm a good mom. I know that I go out of my way to ensure that she is learning and has positive images of women and Black people, that she recognizes that she can do and be whatever she wants. But I still feel sad. So sad.

I'm angry too.

How the hell did this happen?

I mean, I'm that parent whose intentional with what my child takes in. I'm that parent who refuses to buy Disney princess memorabilia or Barbies or white dolls. I'm that parent who colors brown the dozens of smiling, white faces on the toys she gets from people who don't know my rules. I'm that parent who goes out of my way to point out beautiful Black women to her. When, where, how and why did my kid, at age 4, get the idea in her little head that white is right?

I'm angry because it seems hopeless. Who will fight for our little brown girls? How can we ever dream of saving their self-esteem and helping them to see their own value as little Black women, if with even the most intentional monitoring and teaching, they still pick up on the idea that they are somehow less than because their skin is a shade of beautiful brown? And who will teach them that their only fate in life is not to be somebody's wife and somebody else's mother? If my daughter refers to Tyrone, the orange moose from the Backyardigans, as her husband one more time...

But this is just a vent. I will not be giving up the fight. Afterall, she's only 4. There is much more time to instill a love for self - a love for her blackness, womanness, and plain ol' selfness - in the years to come.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I feel you Rebecca... boy do I ever...