On Tyler Perry, Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton

I wanted to like it. I really did. I tried so hard to clear my mind of preconceptions (all negative) and to go into it with a blank slate. That was hard... real hard. I mean, my mom bought the movie. I already feel like enough of an outcast (well not outcast per se, just different, really different) in my family as it is, being the feminist one, the crazy one, the non-Christian one, the gay one (not that Mama knows or so I think... hmmm) so I said, let me just pretend to be interested in this movie that Mama and my sister like, and go along with it even though I'm sure it's not my style. Sometimes you just want to fit in, know what I'm saying? At the end though, it was real hard - real hard - to muster that, "Oh that was cute." I'm sure it sounded insincere, but I tried nonetheless.

So, the movie I'm referring to is none other than, Why Did I Get Married? Tyler Perry's latest attempt to publicize what he thinks is in a woman's mind. Not this woman. Why Did I Get Married is nothing more than an ego boost for insecure men. There, I said it. Perhaps it's the way he relied on stereotypes to create his characters. Or perhaps it's the way he used extremes to get his point across. Perhaps, it's because the lives of all of the female characters essentially revolved around their men. Or finally, perhaps it's because it's just plain sexist. Whatever it was, I didn't like it and believe me I was trying. Now, where do I begin?

How about with the women? Is it me, or did it seem like all of the women in the film were fundamentally defective in some way? Right, I know everyone has problems, no one is perfect, blah, blah, blah. What I mean though, is that for the most part, these women were so messed up that they were destroying the lives of their husbands and their families. Let's begin with Angela - oh Angela - played by actress Tasha Smith. Angela is the sharp tongued, alcoholic who is constantly berating her man into submission. Sound familiar? Perhaps because Angela is none other than Sapphire - the eye rolling, finger snapping, ball busting Black woman that apparently all us Black girls have within us - who is responsible for not only emasculating the Black man, but for the Black matriarchy described so brilliantly in Daniel Patrick Moynihan's report on the Black family. Despite the fact that her husband is a chronically unemployed, philanderer (there's a fun word) who refuses to address his "baby mama" who is another woman destroying their marriage, it is her words and her attitude that is at the root of their problems, because everybody knows that you don't disrepect a Black man's masculinity right? Their problems aren't solved until he sets her straight, by going off on both her and Keisha, his baby mama, causing Angela to realize her love for him and to vow never to be mean to him again.

Now, I'm no proponent of alcoholism or verbal abuse, but why is it that the root of their problems are her "smart mouth" and not his problems with employment and his relationship with his children's mother? When it is revealed that they have both been unfaithful, why is it more of a foul that she did it than he? Oh duh! I know! It's because she's a woman! Silly, me!

Next is Diane, played by Sharon Leal, who gets the distinct honor of being Mr. Perry's woman in this film. Diane has recently made partner in her law firm and is a bit of a workaholic. She is a woman of the 21st century. She is a wife, a mother, and a successful lawyer. She is the Claire Hustable of the millenium! Diane, to use a phrase from the 90s, has it going on! But, not quite, because her hubby isn't happy. See, unlike Claire, Diane is suffering in the wifely duties department and five kids? Diane can barely manage the one she has and doesn't want anymore children, much to the chagrin of her husband, Terry (Terry? Tyler Perry? Anyone else catch that? Cute Tyler, cute). This woman does not know her place and is ruining her husband's and daughter's lives because of it. The couple go back and forth over the issue of having more children since she is content with one and Terry wants 4. Hmmm, didn't they talk about this before they got married? Guess not. Then it is revealed that Diane took matters into her hands a long time ago when she decided to have her tubes tied after giving birth to their child. Oh shit! Houston, we have a problem!

You see, Diane's problem is that she forgot she was a woman. Diane forgot that once she said those vows, her body became the property of Dr. Terry (yes, how Cosby Show of him, he is a doctor) and her main priority was to pop out babies and make hubby happy. By taking control of her reproductive system and her career, Diane is essentially emasculating Terry by failing to give him the wife he so desires. Now, I do believe that relationships are about compromise; however, children should NOT be one of them. What kind of parent will you be if you keep having children simply to please your partner? Children deserve better than that. I also believe that decisions like the one Diane made regarding her own body, should be discussed with your partner before being made, but ultimately are up to the one who's body is being affected. Finally, what is Perry trying to say about women with careers? Why is it that a man who is ambitious is a great provider, but a woman who is ambitious is a bad mother and wife? Is there no compromise?

Janet Jackson's character, Patricia, is perfect. Perfect Patty. Perhaps even the best representation of women in the film. She is a relationship expert of some kind, and is the one everyone comes to when there's marital strife. Patty knows all. However, Perfect Patty has a secret. One that is threatening her own happiness and her husband's. Patty's toddler son was killed in a car accident after she failed to properly strap him into his carseat. Bad Patty. Now she blames herself, and apparently, at some point, so did her husband, Gavin.

It's really a sad thing. But again, she is a faulty woman. She was so busy trying to get to work, that she forgot to make sure her son was properly restrained. A simple mistake really, but one that resulted in his death. It could have easily been a mistake that Gavin made without really changing the story too much. The pain and grief would still be there. The struggle in their relationship would still be there. The juxtaposition of Perfect Patty's public persona and private life would still be there. But Perry chose to make it Patricia's fault that their son died and thus establish her husband as faultless and really perfect. Why is that? Patricia's and Gavin's relationship is the archetype in the film. There's is a relationship for all the other's to aspire to. By establishing fault in Patricia, but really none in her husband, it casts the woman in a lower position to her husband. It establishes her in her place as a woman, who can never be as good as a man. Who will always need a man to save her.

Finally, Jill Scott's character, Sheila, is esablished as perhaps the best woman in the picture. She is loving, generous, submissive, passive and a great wife to her husband, Mike. She is also morbidly obese, a fact that verbally and emotionally abusive Mike won't let her forget. Perry establishes Sheila as a victim. She is a good woman struggling with her weight who is victimized by a bad man. Their relationship is the foil to Patricia's and Gavin's. She is a good woman the 80 to her husband's mistress' 20. She is the example of what happens when a man is not on his job; not loving his wife and providing for her. Sheila's world crumbles when she realizes that her husband is having an affair with her beautiful and single friend, Trina. Poor Sheila didn't know better than to let a beautiful, single woman around her husband. However, after Mike leaves her in pieces, Sheriff Troy is there to pick them all up and fit them back together. Within months of her divorce, Sheila is sporting a new husband, a svelte new frame, and a self-confidence that she didn't have with Mike. See what a good man can do?

The biggest problem with this storyline though is exactly that, what a good man can do. Sheila jumped from an abusive relationship right into another one. Though this relationship is a good one, there was no time for her to develop herself as a woman separate from a man. It was Troy who gave her job and a place to stay after her husband took all of her money. It was Troy who encouraged her to work out and get in shape. And it was Troy who gave her the ability to love herself. At one point she says that she doesn't want to jump into a relationship so soon after divorcing Mike - perhaps the smartest line in the movie. However, good sense goes out the window when Troy tells her he loves her and kisses her passionately, something that she's been missing for quite some time. As a result, Sheila's self-discovery and growth as a woman, as a human being, is thwarted and she gives all control to her husband, I suppose as it should be.

Perry makes a bold statement about women in his film, well several bold statements. First, he establishes a woman's place as behind her man. In all examples, life does not get better until the women give up control and let the men take over. With Angela it's when she stops using her words to emasculate her man. With Diane, it's when she stops emasculating her man by pursuing her career. With Patty it's when she stops pretending to be perfect, recognizes her mistake and lets her husband take care of her. With Sheila, it's when she puts an end to her own self-empowerment and marries a good man. All of these examples show that without a man to lead her a woman is lost. Next, Perry establishes marriage as the key to women's happiness and fulfillment. All of the women are miserable when faced with the possibility of losing their men. They learn that if the don't submit to him, their happiness is fleeting. Perry also makes a startling statement about Black women who choose to have careers. All of the women - except Sheila who I will get to in just a moment - are extremely successful women. Angela - a chemist - owns her own hair care line and salon. Diane is partner at her law firm. And Patricia is an award winning author, professor and relationship therapist. However, all of these powerful women are reminded in some way shape or form that their men have the upper hand. They are reminded that they are still defective women and that no matter how successful they may be, their men are still above them. Though all of the men in the film have some issues, it is essentially the defectiveness of the women that is to blame for the problems in their marriages. Sheila, who chooses not to have a career, is the one female character who is established as a good woman. The only lesson she needs to learn is a small one really, and that's how to love herself - which apparently she doesn't need to know as long as she has a man who's willing to do it for her. Tyler's message to women is really a sad one; a sad mysogynist one.

So, if you haven't figured it out already, I hated the film. However, it forced me to ask myself a lot of tough questions. In an earlier blog I discused racism and sexism and which was most visible. Now I am questioning the conclusion I reached. I'm not in the business of comparing struggles or oppressions, especially considering that both of these effect me. However, racism seems to have become somewhat un-PC. Of course it happens. It's rampant and I'd be lying if I said it didn't shape my life, my identity or myself on a daily basis. But sexism seems to still be acceptable. It hasn't become un-PC yet. It's still ok for men to make sexist remarks and get away with it. It's accepted that Tyler Perry's view of women and marriage are accurate and commendable. It's accepted that Barack Obama is Obama and Hilary Clinton is just Hilary. It's obvious that this country would rather have a man than a woman running it. So what does that mean? For me as a woman what does it mean that I'm supposed to have a man to lead me, as husband and as president? As a lesbian, what does that mean? As a Black woman what does it mean that a Black man is about to be president of the United States, but a white woman is still not good enough? Where does little ol’ Black, Female me fit into that? What do these things mean?